People are always warning about the danger signs in relationships (I've done it plenty), but how do you know if you are doing well?
How do you know if you are on the right track?
It's not just "lack of problems," because if that's all that having a good relationship is for you, then your view of relationships is just too shallow and poor. At least in my opinion.
Let's talk about how to know if you are in a great relationship or headed in the right direction. It's often been said that you can't hit a target if you can't see it.
So let's make a target!
Here are eight signs or indicators that you are having a great relationship. I made these simple and clear. There are clearly many other ways to know about the quality of your relationship, or so it seems.
I say "or so it seems," because often what is taken to show great relationship quality turns out to be faulty and false, such as how often you make love or whether you talk together a lot. These I call the "quantity error," because you can be having a lot of fantastic sex and still feel very empty inside.
You can be talking with one another every day all day, but if it isn't really satisfying, it's not an indicator of a great relationship.
What I tried to do is to show you signs of a deep enduring relationship, things which show you are likely to make love last forever.
So here goes. These are not in any particular order. And for the purposes of simplicity I just alternated "he" and "she" in the eight signs, so I said "you can't wait to tell him." But it could be "her" just the same.
Please go ahead and put in the right pronoun in your mind. Change it to your circumstances
1. When away from your sweetie, you can't wait to tell him about something you heard that is funny or interesting. You are eager for the moment you get back together
This shows your eagerness to connect. It's what we call "thoughtfulness" or "mindfulness." You have your sweetie on your mind a lot and things that you feel, think or hear you want to share. This shows an important connection.
2. When she enters the room, your heart and stomach kind of "skip a beat" and you feel a jump of energy.
This shows it's not just a mental connection, but also a deep physical one. Your body feels the excitement and energy and anticipation for connection. This is a great sign of a passionate connection. The ancient Greeks had a god named "Eros" who was known when he was around to cause a lot of enthusiasm, joy and energy (sex too!).
3. You are consistently loyal to your sweetie and don't dish him or say bad things behind his back with your friends or in public: you stand up for him.
Make a gut check to see how loyal you truly are to your sweetie. Are you tempted to join in on the "rag sessions" with other women or men about your beloved? Or are you truly loyal? This is one of the most important keys to true long term happiness in relationships... true loyalty. You don't betray your beloved at all, even in what seem like minor ways!
4. When you are with her, you feel you can really be who you are and don't have to "fake" your real thoughts, feelings or true self.
Really being able to be yourself, your true self, is incredibly important in great relationships. It contributes to a deep sense of "being at home" with another person. On the other hand, if you are always trying to please the other person and just conform and compromise, it eats at you after a while, right? You might stay together, but would you call it a great relationship if you can't truly be yourself?
5. Your "inner image" of him you carry around is of someone you respect; he has a "good reputation" with you as someone you think highly of.
I've talked about this "good reputation" or "bad reputation" you carry about your wife, husband or sweetheart as being either a relationship killer or joy bringer. Inside of you, do you really see the other person as someone you don't just love and have feelings for but someone you really respect as a person?
6. You give each other a "break" - the benefit of the doubt - when you disagree, and make a genuine and sincere effort to get closer to one another despite (and maybe even because of) your differences.
People in great relationships start by givine one another "a break" when discussing heated topics. They aren't always trying to pounce on one another or undercut one another. It's critical for a great relationship that you give the other person respect and equality!
7. You are friends as well as lovers.
I think most people know this - how important it is to be friends as well as lovers - but how many people really put in the effort to make sure it stays that way? Many people treat their husbands, wives or sweethearts worse by far than their friends. Think of it this way, if this was a friend, would you still talk the same way you do now to them?
8. You look toward the future with one another and see it as always growing and changing in positive ways in your relationship.
Great relationships are not just about today... they are about forming a deep, permanent bond with one another. Part of great relationships is great imagination, being able to envision a great future together.
As you look at these 8 signs of a great relationship, how many do you see in your relationship right now? If you have 6 or less, it's time to dig in and try harder - but only if you want to truly have intimacy and a great relationship!