Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities wrap ourselves up, we come up with the idea of "I wish I was somebody else." More often than not we think and believe that someone or rather most people are better than us.- when in reality the fact is most people are more scared than us. The fact is You, I, We can be whoever or whatever we choose to be it is all a matter of the choices we make in life.
For example, let's assume you are a guy and spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping a glass of wine. You think to yourself, "she looks so perfectly calm and confident." But if you could read thru her ransparent mind, you may well see a bunch of clouds of thoughts and you might just be amazed that she's thinking "are people talking about why I am seated here alone ? Why don't guys find me attractive? I don't like my ankles, they look too skinny? I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend."
Yesterday (July 5th 07) I attend a business seminar called startups live here in the south west of the UK. A few successful entrepreneur spoke and very often we look at these kinds of business entrepreneur and say "Wooh? what else could they ask for?" When they may well look at themselves and say "I hate my big eyes? I wonder why my friends won't talk to me - or some other negative thought.
Isn't it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and thinks of the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self development because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.
Sometimes, you notice that you have an irritating habit like biting off your finger nails having a foul mouth, and you of all people, is the last to know.
One key to self development is to listen and talk to a trusted friend. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like "do you think I am ill-mannered?", "Do I always sound so argumentative?", "Do I talk too loud?", "Does my breath smell?", "Do I ever bore you when were together?". In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self development. Lend her your ears for comments and criticisms and don't give her answers like "Don't exaggerate! That's just the way I am!" Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help her improve her self.
One song which George Benson sing so well is "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself too. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.
Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self development. Self development makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.
It is important to raise your self esteem and not to think yourself as a second rate being. Forget the repetitive thoughts of "If only I was richer" "if only I was thinner" and so on. Accepting your true self is the first step to self development.
Nobody is perfect, but life need not to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. Self development and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It's the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.
Stephen C Campbell is a Master NLP Practitioner, runs Self Development programs, membership site & provides private coaching.