Have you ever wondered why just before you get what you want things sort of go hay-wire? I've noticed that often, just when we think everything is finally about to come together, things just fall apart like crazy.
We can practically taste our victory and suddenly we hit a wall; old patterns of fear and self-doubt return and our dreams begin to slip through our fingers. It feels like there's nothing we can do about it - but that's just one perspective.
Let me explain.
Yesterday, we were playing 3-on-3 baseball. The team batting has to hit the ball and run from home to second base and back before getting out. On our team, Parker, my 10-year-old, was pitching, my honey was in right-center field and I was in left-center field. We're heading into the last inning and my team was down by one point (8-to-7). We bat last so we still had a chance to win but we had to get Johnie out now! Johnie, my nephew on the opposing team, is one of those triple threats (athletic-and-talented-and-gorgeous) types and
every time he hit the ball it was way over my head or simply too far out of reach.
This time, instead of trying to figure out whether or not I was precisely out far enough and strategically placed mid-field, I decided to use a little intentionality to tilt the scales in my favor. (I don't consider this cheating. He could do it too!)
I commanded (a sure-fire way to get the manifestation Gods working on my behalf) that the ball come directly to me.
Then, I asked my intuition, "Where do I need to stand"? I felt guided to my left, leaving this huge whole to my right. My honey's hollering, "Over Anisa" and shaking his arms wildly, motioning for me to move over. However, I couldn't hear him. I was tuned into my competitive intuition. Instantly, when I knew I had come to the perfect spot on the field I just froze with overwhelming certainty. I KNEW he would hit the ball right to me.
Just then, Johnie gets up to bat and I suddenly realize that I've just asked the Universe to put me in position to get pelted with my nephew's power-ball!!!! I thought, "Anisa, are you crazy?! If you miss this ball you're going down!"
Yikes! I knew that I had settled into the command and that I was absolutely about to receive his ball. There was this sudden fear that came over me that I was indeed going down! I tried to shake it off but there just wasn't time to get re-aligned.
Parker pitches the ball and BAM! Johnie hits a rock-solid line drive right to me. I clicked into this 'I'll stop it no matter what' place of fearlessness (or was it stupidity?!) and Whap! I stopped it alright! I put my body in front of that line drive and forgot all about the mitt on my left hand (you know, the leather thingy that most players use at a time like this to catch the ball?!?) Instead, I used my inner knee! It
bounced off me and up over my head and behind me.
OUCH! And, Ouch! (Yes, I'll do anything for a good lesson for my fellow law of attraction friends - that would be you!)
What I realized was that this little experiment of mine was a lot like many of our everyday creations. We ask for what we want, we even command it into existence, follow our inner guidance, and even stop at that perfect spot to receive our desires - then, we freak out!
We let our fears begin to run rampant.
What if I really get this relationship of my dreams?
What if I really get this new home, new job, avalanche of abundance?
What if I am not capable of handling it when it comes my way?
What if my life gets turned upside down?
What if. What if. What if. (all the bad things I'm afraid of happen?!?!) Just when we are poised and ready to make the play of our lives, we choke on our fears and cause the entire thing to go awry!
In my little baseball afternoon, it wasn't that big of a deal - I pretended like it didn't hurt, ran to the ball and threw it to my cut-off honey, only to miss Johnie at home by less than a foot! He was safe and we lost the game.
However, for our more important dreams, I ask you to consider whether or not your last-minute doubts are sabotaging your success?
Did you know that 90% of your creation is complete before you ever see ANY evidence of its existence? Think about the implications of this.
This means that your 'dreamboat' is 90% complete before you ever see even a remote glimpse of the sails! By the time you see even the slightest glimpse of something remotely resembling your 'dreamboat' or parts-thereof, it's almost completely constructed.
Unfortunately, most of us will look at the idea of that 'dreamboat' coming our way and think 'what if I can't steer this thing when I get it?' or 'what if it's not what I want?' and instantly cause our dreams to become lost-at-sea.
What if instead of pondering all the things that might go wrong when our 'dreams' are made manifest, we wondered.
What if I were capable of handling whatever came my way?
What if I were strong and centered and sure of myself?
What if I had complete confidence in myself?
What if I could simply trust in the Universe to deliver my bounty?
What if I could trust in the Divine to keep me safe?
What if I could trust that the Universe is constantly conspiring on my behalf?
What about looking at the things you say you want in your life? Consider whether or not there's resistance? Where might there be a self-limiting hang-up?
Where are you standing in the field, knowing that you're about to receive all of your bounty, only to be standing in fear? ... knowing it's coming to you, but once it gets here you're afraid you're going to bobble-it because it's scary to get what we want.
For me and my baseball dreams, I'll get my chance for a re-match - Johnie's home-runs are numbered! And, in the mean time, I intend to do a little self-reflecting about where else I may be sabotaging any great plays!