That's it. No more sad stories. No more long faces. We just can't take it anymore. We, the moral supporters, staff and affiliates are on strike.
We are on strike against doom and gloomers. We are on strike against those that continue insisting the sky is falling.
There is no joy in Mudville. Nor in Cupertino or Thousand Oaks. Let us hang our collective heads and knash our designer teeth.
Most employees are not happy campers. It really doesn't take much intellect to see if someone is happy and smiling or sad and frowning. It is one of the first things we learn as babies. Duh?
See for yourself in the next business you go into. Simply look and observe if the folks you see are smiling or not. Then, look at the customers present and see if they are smiling or not.
That's all the effort you need to spend in this portion of your corporate culture analysis.
Then go back to your office or the nearest coffee shop and sit down and analyze your results. Odds are if the employees are smiling, the customers are smiling. If the employees are frowning, the customers are frowning.
Some psychologists call this the mirror effect or the idea that we reflect the behaviors we observe. This is true for most monkeys and probably for most humans since we are genetically 98% alike. At least most of you are...
Imagine going into your favorite pub and the waitress has a long face. Your mind frantically searches through your cerebral database to come up with reasons for the long face.
You stall on 'bad food' and decide it is perhaps best to have a beer now and eat somewhere else later.
Somewhere else where you won't get sick like the waitress.
The truth of the matter is the waitress' four year old poured all of daddy's cement into the toilet and the sitter wants to know what to do since it is starting to harden. But that is no excuse.
You missed the special of the day, missed the winning touchdown on the widescreen and your favorite pub went bankrupt the next day because your waitress was wearing a long face and all you could think about was E. coli.
Anyway, none of it matters in a gloom and doom world. We need to bottle and sell happiness; who would pay for doom? You may laugh and think it's stupid and what kind of company creates and sells happiness since we can't even define it?
And just how does one become a joy agent?
Jesting aside you probably know how collective melancholy can kill your business but did you also know it eats into the neurons of your hippocampus thus explaining why all people that constantly frown are perpetual losers?
It's that simple: frown and your hippocampus turns to mush. That's what we tell people. Not all of them believe us but that's our company line.
We also very firmly believe that if we say it enough times even we will start to believe it.
But the honest truth is we just don't like frowners and losers. We strongly suggest you get them out of your workplace before they poison your whole work environment.
Send them on a business trip with a one way ticket.
However if you have been noticing a funny odor for the last several days you may want to check the source out.
Most likely it will be a rotting rat inside a wall but sometimes employees have been known to pass away and not be missed for weeks.
Sometimes management attention span is short and they neglect to check up on their people. It's always good to keep the thing light by using tricky campaign style buttons that say "We Check Our Employees' Oil Each and Every Day."
So the next time one of your customers asks "Who died?" take it as a constructive criticism and not a perverted death wish or personal grooming insult.
So until then, check your oil every day, keep the faith and don't forget that beautiful smile!